When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
