Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
