yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
