Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
