I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Houston, we have a blender
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
