I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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