I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
