She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
