FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
