i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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