Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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