I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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