No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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