perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
