the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
