..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
