nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
