he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
