Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
