You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
