Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
