How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
