If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
