Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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