Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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