There was a lot of him and a little penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
