69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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