Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
