First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
