Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
