I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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