And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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