Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
