u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
