so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
