He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found your dick twin last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
