they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
