hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
