My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
