just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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