very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
