I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
