uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
