A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
