Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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