the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
