There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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