i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
