"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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