I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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