Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
